CONTEST: And the Winner Is…

Well, ladies and gentlemen, we had an outstanding field of entrants and each and every one of them deserves merit for their creativity. (See the Facebook entries here.) The reasoning provided for the answers also demonstrated that our little community here possesses both wit and wisdom. If I can use this quickie contest as a barometer (and it’s my contest, so I can), I’d say we’re going through this whole cosmic kibosh about as consciously and with as much good humour as anyone else on the planet who’s not currently levitating or pretzled into some spine-mangling yoga pose.

I’d like to award a prize to each and every entrant, but I’ve got my own issues to work through. So without further to-doo, the winners are:

Grand Prize Winner – Divine Harmony: “The Karmic Quickening”

Harmony’s handle keeps the alliteration that made the Cardinal Climax so clumsily catchy, while cutting to the heart of the matter in only two words (three for those of you sticklers who count articles as words). We all seem to feel that this incredible energy construct is pulling our old karma to the surface to be released. Harmony’s title says it succinctly, and then shoots off to nirvana.

1st Place Winner – Jessica Peterson: “The Cardinal Cluster-F*ck”

Even though Peterson’s FCC-flaunting entry probably won’t be used as the permanent replacement name for the Cardinal Climax in my column, judges liked Jessica’s cut-to-the-chase brevity and were also impressed by her ability to capture the mood of the general public with both power and style. She also scored big points for consonance and alliteration — face it, it’s fun to say! Rolls right off the tongue and creates a nice little growl at the back of the throat, where all those things we really want to say but don’t because “it’s not spiritual” tend to get stuck. Leading to indigestion, unhappy relationships, and all sorts of other problems but that’s for another time. Did you know that scientists have proven that swearing reduces pain, whereas substitute words like “flippin’” or “darn” don’t?

1st Place Winner – JoEllen Patrick: “The Outer-Planetary Pressure Cooker”

Not only did JoEllen’s entry receive support from other contestants, the judges felt she successfully encapsulated both the negative aspects of this alignment and the intended positive outcome. I.e., this isn’t just happening because God hates us or because we’ve been bad and deserve to be punished or because we live in a random universe governed by harsh chaos. No, there’s a meaning to all of this and when it’s over, we’ll have been made into a very fine pot roast. Er, I mean, the pressure is actually cooking us into something tastier and more nourishing than we were before. You know what I’m trying to say!

All three lucky (and talented) winners will receive a 30-minute reading compliments of the house. Thanks so much to all of you for playing — I know this lifted my spirits and hope it did the same for you.